Yesterday as I was backing my car out of the garage I made a terrible mistake. Instead of shifting into the reverse gear I had absent-mindedly shifted into overdrive. The car lurched forward. Before I could apply the brakes my car bumped into the car in front of mine, a massive (compared to my puny Maruti 800) Mercedes E200. Any sensible person in my position would be a trifle sad. The owner of the Merc would most probably ask me to pay for the repairs. (Even repairs are so costly nowadays)However I felt a streak of excitement run through my entire body. I felt hopeful that my life would change. For the last two years my life has been running in reverse gear. Now I hope that I will be able to shift into overdrive as easily as I had done the other day.
Two years ago if anyone had said that my life would take such a sudden and drastic turn I would have told him to go to hell. I was barely out of college and was already earning a fat paycheck. Life was good. I was planning to concretize my long standing amorous relationship. (A marriage and a beautiful wife would be wonderful.) Things were going just fine when suddenly I met my old flame Priya. I was sitting at the Café Coffee Day outlet sipping a cup of coffee when I saw her. Actually to say that I saw her would be a mistake. The reality was that I couldn’t recognize her at first. I was staring at her. Then suddenly she turned and for the briefest of moments our gazes met. Somehow her beautiful eyes seemed to be familiar. I had seen those eyes before, but where or when I had seen them I could not remember. Then all of a sudden she turned around and sat across my table. Then she told me “Hi, how’s life my friend?”
Priya was the first girl I fell in love with. She was my high school flame. Our love affair went on for a good two years. Then one day when I came home from a holiday I found that she had gone away. In desperation I had continuously mailed her but she didn’t even respond. Nursing my wounded love I had searched for a soul mate and had eventually found one that went by the name of Kritika. During the next six years I had grown to love her so much that Priya was by then a forgotten chapter in my life.
That day I began to rediscover how much I really loved Priya. I wanted to make her a part of my life once again. So one day throwing caution to the winds I called her up. “Hi Priya. I think we need to meet again.”
The next few days passed like a whirlwind. One day we went back to the flat Kritika and I shared. I took her to the bed where Kritika and I comforted each other at night. There we made love like two desperate people.
As we finished making love I heard the key turn. I could hear the door creak open. With my bleary vision I saw the slender form of Kritika come in. I heard her scream in agony and I knew that my life would never be the same again.
From that moment on my life slipped into reverse gear. Kritika walked out of my life. Some days later she came to our flat to collect her things. I had expected her to scream at me, to lambaste me for my infidelity. However she did mo such thing. She quietly collected her clothes, cosmetics and books, packed them into her suitcases and left my life. She only spoke a few words to me and she was her usual polite self. If I had been in her place I would have screamed and tried to make a scene. It was then that I realized how precious a girl I had lost. As she looked around the house a final time I saw a silvery tear drop from her eye, traverse her rosy cheeks and drop to the floor. It was then that I wanted to go and hold her in my arms, to ask her not to go away but to forgive me for my breach of trust and to stay with me but I knew that it was too late to tell her that.
Later that night as I stared out of my window at the rain swept streets and reflected upon my loss, the doorbell rang. Priya came in. I didn’t even give her a cordial welcome. That night I was the coldest person who had ever lived on the face of the earth. There is this much a person can put up with. I guess that that night I crossed the threshold. Priya used the same defence that she had used years ago-she stopped talking to me and disappeared altogether leaving me lonely, uncared for and afraid. The reverse gear had truly kicked in.
About a month later there was an office party. I simply love office parties. In my opinion they are probably the best thing about working in an office. I expected it to be a blast. There was only one problem-Kritika was going to be at that party too. By the time I had arrived the party was in full flow. Beer was flowing freely. As I made my way towards the bar I saw the sight which I had been dreading. In a corner Kritika was sitting with my boss, talking to him animatedly. Then, suddenly she leaned forward and kissed him. I couldn’t bear it anymore. Two months later Kritika and my boss tied the knot. Although I was invited to their wedding I couldn’t bring myself to attend the wedding.
Six months on I received a phone call from my aunt in the middle of the night. She was crying copiously. In between sobs she told me that my parents had died in a car crash. I didn’t know what to do, whether to cry like her or to tell myself that people are born to die someday and I should thank the Gods for the wonderful parents he had blessed me with. I did neither. I thanked God for blessing me like He had and I railed at Him for taking them away from me so soon. I sat down by the bed and cried softly. The next day I took the first flight home.
Ever since his honeymoon my boss had been behaving with me in a very rough manner. He was constantly trying to get me shifted to another department. I think he was worried that my continuous presence would increase Kritika’s tension. After failing in his efforts it seemed that he would leave me alone. However I was mistaken in my beliefs. One day when I failed to submit a project within the required time he fired me. I found myself in the streets.
Slowly, my life crept backwards. Gradually, most of my friends started deserting me. I applied for a job in many other places but hardly anyone gave me a proper interview. I wore my feet out searching for a job. My structured life came apart. Earlier I used to drink only in the evenings with my closest friends but now I drank whenever I could afford to buy a bottle. Slowly I withdrew myself from the world. I was left with only one friend, the bottle.
For a long time my life had been like this. Only ten days ago my neighbour took pity on me and asked me to give an interview for the post of an accountant in the accountancy firm in which he was a manager. Infact I was going to this interview when I hit the Mercedes. Now, I am hopeful that I will get out of this reverse gear that I have slipped into. But first I must pay for the repairs. Only then can I think of moving ahead with my life.
